I think that the violence was necessary when it came to the suitors because they took over his house and terrorized his family, to an extent. In order to have a whole homecoming, it was necessary to completely get rid of them, not only to claim back his property, but also to get revenge for what they did to his family. I think when it came to the maids, the violence was unnecessary to complete his nostos, because the maids were not in the way of him achieving his homecoming successfully.
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